


Embrace

by sunny_hj



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hongjoong is anxious, Lowkey self projecting, M/M, Mentions of other members but it's really minor, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Seonghwa is god tier boyfriend, Sweet, they're mentioned in thoughts tbrh, they're whipped for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26573836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunny_hj/pseuds/sunny_hj
Summary: Hongjoong feels he's crumbling but Seonghwa is always there to keep him steady
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 13
Kudos: 85





	Embrace

Hongjoong had been having nightmares for the past couple of weeks.

At first, he brushed it off as a one time occurrence because the last time he has had nightmares was...well, a long time ago to say the least.

Why would he? His life was going in the direction that he had wanted it to go. His online store was going great, he had amazing life long friends, and an even more amazing boyfriend who held the stars in his eyes.

His life might’ve seemed perfect to an outsider but it was all achieved through hard work and through that hard work- stress, depression, and anxiety were all too familiar faces that he had been more than acquaintanced with.

He was good at shoving it all down.

It was almost a talent at this point to keep his inner turmoils bottled and kept chained deep down inside.

Hongjoong felt guilty for even having just a minimal spew about his problems because he felt that other people were surely going through worse.

It wasn’t as bad as San’s problems with his parents that resulted in getting kicked out of the house.

It sure as hell wasn’t nearly as bad as Yunho spraining his ankle the day before he was set to perform with his dance group on campus in front of the arts building. He felt so bad for him that day. Every time he remembered Yunho sobbing against his shoulder feeling so frustrated with himself Hongjoong's heart threatened to tear itself in half.

His boyfriend on the other hand, would constantly tell Hongjoong that it was okay to come to him for any sort of problems. He was grateful, he really was, but what if he felt too comfortable and too used to being around Seonghwa? He was his star, and he didn’t want to suffocate him with his issues. 

He didn’t want to snuff out his starlight and lose it all just because he couldn’t keep his damn self in check.

It was five in the morning when Hongjoong had awoken in a panic, lunging up and out of bed heaving like all the air had been stolen out of his lungs and he no longer possessed the ability to breathe. His hands clawed around him as he fervently looked for something, somewhere to hold onto and ground himself.

He hears Seonghwa shoot up in alarm beside him, arms carefully and quickly sliding around him to pat at his back but it’s not enough. It’s not enough to shake off all of the anxiety that has welled up and threatened to burst.

When Seonghwa realizes that his efforts of calming down aren't working, he throws himself out of bed and makes a beeline to the kitchen, returning just as fast as he had left with a glass of water.

Seonghwa sits by Hongjoong with the glass of water held to his lips, holding the back of his head and tilting it back. Hongjoong lets him help because, god, he is too much of a shaken mess to do anything himself.

His limbs don’t even feel like they’re attached. His body just doesn’t feel like his own for the momen. Everything just feels like jelly, but he can feel Seonghwa rubbing soothing circles on his back after he drinks down the water. He can hear the warm murmurs of encouragement next to him.

It takes a bit for Hongjoong to eventually return back down to earth and his heart swells for Seonghwa. He doesn’t register that he’s crying until Seonghwa’s face morphs into panic. Blankets are suddenly then thrown over him and he’s pressed into his boyfriend’s side as tight as possible.

“Hongjoong oh my god, baby, are you okay? What’s wrong? God you gave me such a big scare I.. when I woke up next to you freaking out my heart dropped. You can’t do this to me, I really almost had a heart attack.”

Hongjoong lets out a weak chuckle and shifts his position a bit more to get comfortable being slotted against Seonghwa. “I’m sorry...just...had a rough nightmare.” He huffs out, but it’s not enough to quell his boyfriend's worries. 

Seonghwa brows pull into a frown. “Joong...I love you so much, you know you can tell me anything, right?" There was a flicker of hope mixed with worry but most importantly, there was love. Every time he looked at Hongjoong, he looked at him like he was the center of his universe. He loved seeing his eyes shine like a galaxy.

"I know...I know I just, I feel bad." He murmured, fingers threading through the blanket folds as he wraps it tighter around him. "I don't want you to see the ugly side of me." Hongjoong picks at the folds absentmindedly, his voice decreasing in volume.

Hongjoong lets out a muffled squeak when he feels himself getting turned around and squashed into Seonghwa's bare chest. "Hongjoong, don't say things like that." He hears his boyfriend huff, the arms around him tightening just a little bit.

Even with the blanket wrapped around him encasing him with warmth, it's Seonghwa's arms that he feels the warmest and safest in.

It was his home.

He moves a bit back to peer up at the other's face, heart twisting immediately with guilt when he sees just how sad he looks. "Hwa…"

Seonghwa's eyes are shining with tears for him.

He had made him cry.

"Hwa, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, please don't cry." Hongjoong breaks out of his blanket cocoon to place his hands on Seonghwa’s arms. “I’m just- I’m afraid you’re going to see me at my worst one day and it’s going to drive you away. I don’t want to do that Seonghwa, I love you too much.” He keeps his eyes locked with him and sees many emotions flitting through his eyes.

The first one is disbelief and it shows in his expression. Seonghwa’s brows pull down as he frowns and his lips press to a straight line. He sees his chest rise as he takes a breath in and lets out a deep sigh through the nose. Hongjoong is starting to feel just a little bit afraid and self-conscious because he is aware that he could sound potentially silly for how he feels, but it’s something that he just cannot shake the feeling of.

When he finally talks, Seonghwa clears his throat and shifts his and Hongjoong’s position to make sure that they are completely facing each other. He gently takes the hands off from his arms and instead holds them in his lap, thumbing the back of his hands softly.

“You know, Hongjoong, to be honest when I asked you out I kinda already knew that I wanted you in my life forever.” He chuckles, raising Hongjoong’s hands up to his lips to press a soft kiss on his knuckles. “When you became my boyfriend, I wanted to embrace every part of you whether it was ugly or not, and I still do. That’s what it means to love someone- you don’t just love them for what you see on the outside, you adore everything. Even the stupidest and smallest things you know?” Seonghwa’s smile stretches out into a dopey grin.

Hongjoong can feel his eyes water and he doesn’t realize that tears have already spilled over. He feels his shoulders shake and his brain finally catches on that he’s crying. Hongjoong’s lower lip trembles as he tries to keep his cries to himself but it’s pointless as soon as Seonghwa pulls him forward once again for a soft hug, a contrast to the scared and tight embrace from earlier.

“God, Seonghwa, how are you real.” He mumbles wetly into the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner but..I just didn’t think it was worth it. I didn’t think it was worth it because..I don’t know. My problems just seem so much more trivial to everyone else’s.” He sighs heavily. It feels kind of weird to pour out the contents of the dark riddled part of his heart since he’s not used to venting out but with Seonghwa..it feels nice. He feels safe.

Seonghwa presses a soft kiss to the top of his head, carding his fingers through the soft locks of blue. “It will never be trivial to me, Joong. Your worries are just as valid as everyone else’s. Now, tell me what’s been eating away at you?” Seonghwa peels Hongjoong off him to wipe the tears away, leaning in and kissing both cheeks before he pecks his lips.

If luck wasn’t kind to him before, it sure as hell is kind to him now. If anyone had told him several years ago that he would be this happy and lucky with the most handsome and kindest man in the entire universe? he’d call you a god damn liar.

Hongjoong’s eyes turned to crescents as Seonghwa peered down at him with absolute love swimming through his eyes. He giggled and placed a kiss back on Seonghwa’s jawline. “Thank you..so much. That means a lot to me.” He takes the blanket off of him to wrap them both, guiding him and Seonghwa to lie back down on their bed. “I’m just not sure where to start except..I guess that stress has been piling up on me for a while.” Hongjoong mumbles into his boyfriend’s chest, making himself comfortable and tucked perfectly against him.

Seonghwa hummed in acknowledgement, carding his fingers through the smaller boy’s blue locks. He kept him close but with just enough space that he could glance down and see the bridge of Hongjoong’s nose and cheeks.

“I just feel like there’s a lot on my shoulders. It just feels so….so incredibly heavy. I feel like the world is collapsing on me and I don’t understand how to keep it afloat. I don’t know how to keep myself afloat.” Hongjoong whispered, nuzzling Seonghwa’s chest closer. His arm that was thrown over the older boy was now curled in just a bit more tighter, almost as if he was afraid - that if he were to let go, then the peace and quiet would shatter and send him back into chaos. 

Hongjoong sucked in a deep and shaky breath, eyes closed and scrunched tightly to keep the tears at bay from flooding out once again. “I’m so tired, Seonghwa. So many many times I’ve wanted to give up so bad.”

His voice is weak and breaking and, god, does it break Seonghwa’s heart.

Seonghwa kisses the top of his boyfriend’s blue mop, sliding his hand down from his hair to rest it over the back of his neck, pulling him as close as possible to him. He knew Hongjoong was stressed, but he didn’t know it had been this bad. Hearing Hongjoong having thoughts about giving up made his heart race and leave a nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Honestly? He wanted to cry too.

Seonghwa couldn’t imagine a life without Hongjoong. His bright, beautiful, creative boyfriend, Hongjoong.

“Joong….you don’t have to go through this yourself. Please, let me share some of your burdens. Don’t shut me out, Hongjoong. I want to be by your side all the time, even through the most troubling times. You know what they say, for better or for worse.” He grinned, leaving more kisses on Hongjoong’s head.

Suddenly his shoulders felt lighter.

No, he felt lighter just in general. His body buzzed with warmth. The stress and workload that previously sat in him felt nonexistent. It was like Seonghwa’s brightness just slapped that shit out of him.

Hongjoong wept softly into Seonghwa’s chest, his shoulder shaking as he lied in his amazing boyfriend’s embrace. He was so so lucky.

“....Hwa,”

“Yes, Joong?”

“Will you….stay with me? For as long as possible?”

Seonghwa let out a soft laugh, leaning back to cup Hongjoong’s cheeks to tilt his face up. He smiled down at him to admire his partner before leaning forward to kiss him deeply.

“Forever and ever, my little butterfly."

**Author's Note:**

> hi !!! this is my first fic written...ever LMAO  
> i really wanted to try my hand at writing but hsfhshfshfhsf i'm so ? nervous about my writing skills. i had two good friends beta this before and I am just. It's here. I love them so much for pointing out my mistakes HAHA
> 
> I'm whipped for seongjoong don't look at me
> 
> kind of self projection through hongjoong, I wrote this when I was emotionally charged hahaha
> 
> I hope you guys like it though!  
> Would love to write more bc this was f u n, I have some in the works but I want to be able to put my best into those ! so for now I'm going to just stack up on short fluffy oneshots
> 
> thank you so much for reading! have a nice day
> 
> -jun


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